I met Sonia Trimmingham through the facebook group “Healing from Abuse” when she shared this poem with all of us.
I must say that I am moved in ways that are beyond description. I am amazed at how similar our stories are. I am inspired by our strength together and I am hopeful that by sharing and by opening up, we all are healing together.
I invite you to get engrossed in this world of sharing if you have been affected by childhood sexual abuse and I promise you that you will feel all of our energies in you. You will not feel alone.
** by Sonia Trimmingham from Connecticut, USA
You have no idea what you’ve done to me
the damage you have created
the broken person I have become
No idea how it has affected me
the relationships that have been severed
my self worth diminished
You have no clue how much you’ve changed me
the distorted way I view the world
unable to trust, to love
Clueless to how you’ve molded me
into an inverted, confused girl
struggling with doubt and rebellion
You don’t know how much I hate you
you’ve destroyed what I could have been
the happy, confident person I long to be
Don’t know how much you’ve hurt me
nightmares and fear follow me
the flashbacks occur all too often
All for a little thrill
a selfish need for satisfaction
not taking into consideration
my feelings, my resistance
not realizing that I will one day be a woman
scorned and guarded
All for some instant gratification
that didn’t mean much to you
the scheduled violations
when no one was around
the sour feeling I got in my stomach
every time you touched me
So all should be forgiven?
my emotional trauma should just be discarded?
I should move on with my life?
It’s not that simple
I want you to feel the pain I felt
I want you to hurt like I did
I want tears to stream from your eyes
as I’ve cried many nights
Then and only then
can I begin to heal.